in the past few weeks, i’ve had a smile painted on my face. i felt complete happiness. and after a long long time, i gave real love once again to the same person who fucked me over 9 or 10 months ago. after waiting and wondering if we’d ever get the chance to talk again or if we’ll ever go back to the way we were, it was all answered. before we started communicating again, i told myself i’d be thankful if we’ll just at least be friends again. but i got more than that. when we got back together on May 5 it felt sooooo good. i didn’t care what others would think about me or how they’d judge me. i know that i never stopped thinking about this guy. i know how much i still love him despite all the past challenges we’ve been through. i was unstoppable. i was determined to give what i have given before. to love as much as i did before. every chance i got to visit him, i took it. it didn’t matter to me if i’d be going home alone all the way in tanza at 6 or 7 at night. i made every possible reason to explain to my tita’s why i’d come home late. lied if i have to just to spend time with him. i didn’t want that part of me to go back again but i lost control. i kept everything when we were together. from the receipt, to the paper cups, to the movie tickets. every. single. thing.  and i’d just find out one moment that it was all an experiment. that he was confused that time. what the fuck. it just sucks how one person can erase all your beliefs and defy the impossible for his sake. to have love someone so much you’d go the extra distance just to see his smile, hear his laughs and hold his hands. i don;t know where i stand anymore nor do i know what to do. we’ll just let it roll. whatever.

@Angel’s Hills

we went over to visit my cousin and ate at Shakey’s <3

we ate at HAINANESE DELIGHTS on the 30th of may year 2012 :) we then watched Born to Love You which was fucking boring. there’s so much more that happened that night. it’s on my phone. i wrote about it. i was gonna paste it here but i can’t find my cord. kdot :)

we watched MIB 3D :)

“O K” HAHA and you can’t see it, but we had the theater all to ourselves. he asked me to take a picture of t and brag about it on facebook and tumblr that he “rented” it so it can just be me and him. HA HA HA. then people started coming in. HAHA. this was the night i slept over at his house. we bought ice cream chocolate truffles at 7-11 and prinlges. <3 

o5.19.12

yesterday <3

since we only had our exams yesterday, i went to Dasma and visited this Fag ;) we were supposed to watch a movie because i got there at around 12 in the afternoon. but turns out he just found out that he has an exam at 3. so we ate in the cafeteria and ordered a strawberry and mango shake and a burger that tasted nasty with JV. then we went to the chapel to pass time. i gave him a massage, he threw my shoe, he licked me across the lips, played temple run, and a lot more :D at around 2:30 he went to class and i went to mini stop and waited for him. he finished at around 4 so we dropped off at his house first before going to SM. we decided that we’d just eat because there weren;t any good movies out anyway. we ate at Bar-B-King and then spent an hour looking for a new case for his phone only to end up with the same case. he saw Diablo 3 and wanted to buy it right away. HAHAH. he’s so adorable. then we went to Folded and Hung for his pants which he didn’t like and Penshoppe for his jacket. then we went to Watson’s for my stuff. he kept yelling “ano? natatae kna” over and over again. we went tot he supermarket for Vitamilk but went back to watson’s because it was only available there. this time, he LEGITIMATELY held my hand a couple times which meant a lot to me HAHA. we ate at Tokyo Tokyo before heading home and this time he waited for my jeep to leave. i had this ear to ear smile again on the way home. it feels nice to be around him longer. and we’ll see each other again on the 26th for our outing <3

DAMN YOU, you got me falling again :”>

today is the 16th! fuuuuuuuuuck yeah :D seems like ony yesterday :D he asked me to come over today to “celebrate” but i have class. i told him on friday, but i think i have class that day too. HAHAH. he’s not talking to me as of the moment. “sleeping” daw. but technically, this would be our 10th? if we continue what we started. HAHA. and now i’m in class for this fucking presentation shit

wrote my name on him :D tehee <3

today, my afternoon classes got cancelled. so being dismissed early enough, i went to Dasma and visited Cj once again. like ALWAYS. every chance given, i go and visit him. we were at julius’s dorm before going out to Chowking for lunch. we talked about our plans for Volet’s and chatted for an hour or more before going back to julius’s dorm to drink. DRINK! HAHA. i really hated it, but the way it was mixed wasn;t as torture as my past experiences although it got my heart running. really running, and my face red. after calming down we went over to their house and watched tv for a while and then went to SM to drop me off. this time, he didn’t wait for my jeep to leave. but i guess it’s ok. whatever. i’m so through with expecting and waiting to hear “iloveyou” and “imissyou” bullshit form him. i just got used to the fact that i won’t hear it as often or at all. it’s just the way it’s gonna be and i’m in no position to ask that from him or to even wait for it because it’s the way he is. AND we’re back to being depressed for no fucking reason. i hate being doubted. i know what i’m doing. and that’s enough for me. the fact that despite him knowing how much I FUCKING LOVE HIM. is sadly still not enough. but i’m at the point of not letting it get to my head because there’s nothing i can do about it. it’ll only get me more depressed. if you haven’t seen or realize what i’ve done and have been doing for you, then fine :) whatever floats your boat. but i know what i’ve given and if it’s not enough, AGAIN. then there’s nothing more i can do for you. what a fucked up night.